Barry Smalls: 1/2011


Fuckin’ kids! Yeah, I know that age doesn’t really mean shit when you’re like us, but still, fuckin’ kids!

A new batch came out of the Hedge tonight; biggest batch we’ve seen yet. But seriously, what the fuck. From what I get, within minutes of getting out, they were already causing shit. How the hell did such morons get out of There in the first place?

First, we got the one guy who tried to rob a fuckin’ hob. Moron!
Then, we got the guy who’s goin’ around touchin’ things.
Then, there’s the whole group splitting up when they don’t know dick all. Apparently, safety in numbers isn’t common sense anymore.

And of course the guy who gets caught stealin’ almost gets bought by one of THOSE fairest. Yeah, THOSE ones, that think that now they’re out they can be like the fuckers we left behind. They are the worst of the worst, well, except for the idiots. At least THOSE fuckers are smart enough to keep their heads down so they aren’t the ones being made slaves. But that really isn’t much of a concession. Monster is as monster does.

And you know, it figures that Bailey wants to help the lot. Guess that’s why we call her “The Conscience” behind her back. One of these days she’s gonna “we gotta help” herself right into a shit hole of a situation, and the rest of us are gonna have to get her out. I tell ya, this is why the motley didn’t work.

But she’s good people, so you know we’d do it. Well, between her and Lestrade, they get the kid free before he becomes a slave to a new master and we four get the fuck out of the Market (Thank God! I hate that place). And we take them down to the commons to educate them before they bring Them down on us all. See, that’s why I fucking hate fresh meat – they’re always one step from fucking us all. By the way, I’ve seen Lestrade change his shape into a number of people and things over the years. But seeing change into a woman and then having him start doing a strip tease… That was weird. I mean, sure, he had a nice rack, and it’s a pretty hilarious party trick, but yeah…. that’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

So we’re educating them, right, and fuckin’ ogre tries mouthing off to Hoyle. Hoyle clocked him good. I dare him to try mouthing off to me next. And then there’s the gator chick. Son of a bitch, she’s got a ring. Hoyle and I both saw it and knew what it was. We’re gonna have to keep an eye on her. If she turns out to be a loyalist, her death will serve as a warning to the rest. And speaking of her. Apparently she’s planning on offing her Fetch. Well, if she’s on the up-and-up, then I see no reason a good Fetch-stomping can’t be in order. After all, last thing we need is a Fetch alerting Them that we’re here.

Still, I really hope none of them come Summer. The the courts can fuckin’ have the lot of them.

Barry Smalls: 1/2011

The Freehold of the Shaded Wing rlevitt